Dubin transport

The useless government have come up with a GOOD PLAN plan that I am totally in favour of! (Will wonders never cease?)
They want to introduce a premium cycling infrastructure. There will be 109 schemes (why not 110?) to improve things for cyclists, including the creation of "motor ways" for cyclists, tax breaks for the purchase of bikes, identifying inter- urban cycling routes, the development of a "culture of cycling" et.c
All good stuff to help people get around. It would also be like introducing a free "citizens gym" which would help against the obesity epidemic. And possibly save many lives - cyclists are every so often crushed under the wheels of the progress of the juggernaut...

This will cost €2.3 billion. Worth every cent if you ask me.

But if you ask Labour Party transport spokesman Tommy Broughan? -The man from Labour says NO!
He mocks the idea, he knocks it on the head from every angle. He says it is a Flann O'Brien style proposal. He says Labour is supportive of cycling -says he has an old bike in the shed himself- but this plan he can not support because it costs too much MONEY.

To this I say - Tommy, take that bike OUT of the shed and think again!!! Please do.

Once more on Dublin Bus 123

It was on the 3rd of April, on the bus 123 that leaves the terminus in Marino at 11.18, that we once again gathered for yet another journey. We were all grown up so we knew what we were letting ourselves in for but there was an air of optimism on board all the same.

We were going at a brisk pace, picking up passengers in Ballybough and Summerhill. And then- the bus stopped in Parnell Street. The engine was turned off. Damn! Was this the LONG wait for the new driver? No, the driver explains, he has been instructed by management not to enter the city centre until the time table says so.

We the passsengers go into baffled mode. Why leave us waiting in Parnell Street? Why can the bus not go two more stops and let us get off in O'Connell Street (where most of us are going) and wait there for the correct time table departure. Rules, says the driver, orders from the management.

A mini riot breaks out. I feel steam coming out of my ears. Everyone has something to say and says it out loud. A pensioner starts shouting about being a union man, about having worked all his life - for THIS?! The driver takes a lot of flak. He tells us to complain at head office. We tell him to drive on but he wont. We wont get off and walk the two stops because it is just that bit too far.

Annoying, annoying beyond belief.

Dublin Bus 123 - the best thing about

The best thing about Dublin bus 123 is the stop in O'Connell outside Penney's. A uniformed employee of Dublin Bus whose sole duty appears to be "passenger calming" is stationed at this stop.
He is a charming and personable man with a talent for dealing with the public. Everyone who has been in a job that involves dealing with the public knows what a chore that is and how quickly one can change from a benevolent person to a humanity hating lunatic. Not so this man. He is forever cheerful. He creates so much good will for Dublin Bus that he should be paid like a celebrity or a film star.
Sadly he has a small flaw - he has absolutely NO idea when the next bus might arrive. Ask him and he will say chirpely: In three minutes-that's not very long is it!
You cheer up, you think you are in luck. Twenty minutes later you watch him speak into a phone (or radio?) but the phone is only a prop and he is only pretending to talk to somebody. He does not know if or when there will be a bus 123 -soon, today or ever!
He is only like the rest of us.

My place in the pack

Ten years ago or so, I bought a dog, or should I say -I was sold a pup! She was six months old and seemed adorable. And normal. Maybe it was a bit dark in that parking lot (ha ha) for it turned out she was not NEAR well in the mental department.
The dog was (is!) a bundle of nerves and irrational fears. Is she a genetically modified product of puppy farming? I shall never know. Two professional dog trainers and an animal behaviourist and my own efforts have failed to change her highly strung nature.
She is an intelligent dog however and with small rewards and encouragement she can learn...anything! (The "small rewards" have made her put on a little weight.)
But she is often ill with stress related ailments which means we often go to the vet.

Here is one such visit:
Vet-"Could you lift your dog up on the table"
Me-"Eh..she is a bit heavy and I have a bad back...?"
Vet-"I would like to have her on the table"
I lift the struggling and howling dog on to the table. She has to be muzzled.
Vet-"Now LOOK at the dog"
Me- "eh..? Yeah..?"
Vet- "Tell me what you see! Would you say she is overweight?"
Me- "No...only a tiny bit"
Vet-"HOW do you expect your dog to carry that weight on those thin legs?"

The vet has a Socratic questioning style. I don't like it! My dog is very slightly overweight for a good cause which is to put manners on her by rewarding good behaviour. And anyway my dog's weight is supported by FOUR legs!
I say nothing to the vet because I respect authority and a white coat.
Unlike my dog I know my place in the pack.

scary dog, eisode 3

When my dog was a young, slim thing my two Sons used to walk her. One day a pitbull shot out of the park (like a bat out of hell) after them and grabbed our dog by the neck. There was no warning, no foreplay, just straight for the neck. It dragged our dog on to the road and held our dog (by the neck) until she stopped struggling.
A woman motorist stepped out of her car,took stock of the situation, ran to a house, explained the situation, asked for a bucket of water, got the bucket and poured it over the pitbull's head. The pitbull let go of our dog and attacked Son number one. When the owner tried to stop the attack she got bitten herself.
The injuries were: a deep puncture wound to the neck of our dog and many teeth marks to my Son's hands and tattered nerves all around.
This attack was reported to the Guards (who already knew because the woman motorist had been in). We were told to contact the Dog Warden.The Dog Warden told us that nothing could be done until we got the name and address of the dog and its owner.
So take note: If you survive a dog attack- don't forget to ask for name, address and date of birth of the pitbull.
For it is always a pitbull, I don't care what you say.

scary dog, episode 2

A good while back, when my highly strung nervous dog was a small highly strung pup, we were ambushed by a big Alsatian. The Alsatian chased and chased and chased my terrified pup until she could run no more.
"PLEASE call your dog in, PLEASE put your dog on a leash", I kept calling to the Alsatian' s slackjawed master. Nothing doing. No reaction.
At this point the Alsatian was taking great big leaps in the air and landing on top of my pup - seemingly with the intention of breaking the pups back? My pup whimpered and whined and cried. I tried to step in between the Alsatian and the pup. The Alsatian kept circling us and when it lept at us I put my foot up to try and stop it. I was hopping around on one leg and holding the other leg out at an angle, hoping that the dog would not bite through my boot.
At this point the Alsatian's master came to life; "Are you effing kicking my dog you effing ... I'll effing kill you you effing..."
Argue with that? Reader, I nearly died.

Scary dogs, episode 1

Being a member of the dog owning community I can feel free to criticize my own kind, right? Most dog owners are bonkers and the more bonkers the more obnoxiuos the dog.

This is what happened to me a while back. I was walking in the park with my medium sized dog( a Finnish spitz by breed, a poorly socialized nervous wreck by nature) when a Great Dane came running towards us. The Dane was on a leash dragging a young fit Irish man behind it.

By one light tap of the paw the dog had me tumbling the ground. It put its two front paws on my chest and opened its mouth over my face. Drops of sig saliva was falling into my eyes. My level of fear was OFF the scale at this point. I had a desperate plan - if I could reach my own dog maybe I could push it into the Dane's crocodile jaws and save myself before it ripped my face off?

Fortunately the dog released me. I stood up covered in mud, trembling like a cartoon figure and said "That's some animal you have there! (I was reared near Sparta)
The young man answered: "He is only a pup, he was only playing"